damn dna

when i was 8 years old my uncle took his life

he was always joking about being the black sheep

but he wasn't joking that night

then 31 years later my father decided that he wanted to follow in his brothers steps

tank on empty

dead inside

longing for his final breath

as the shot ripped away flesh from face

and made shratnel from his bones

was there ever a moment of peace for him

as he died there all alone

can you call someone brave for digging their own grave

and leave a child behind to wonder if they were born with the same sickness buried in their dna

at least i can try to live outside the shadow of my own depression and my fear

i choose not to burden my loved ones 

i will own this

instead of leaving them here 

confused 

searching for the lost piece of a fucked up puzzle

.